Whatever potential the former X-Men: First Class (2011) director showed us throughout the years has fizzled out as this recent misfire combines the worst elements of spy movies with an incomprehensible plot.
Argylle
Directed by Matthew Vaughn
Starring Bryce Dallas Howard, Henry Cavill, Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O’Hara, Dua Lipa, Ariana DeBose, John Cena, and Samuel L. Jackson
Runtime: 2 hours, 19 minutes
Synopsis
Famous spy novelist Elly Conway (Howard) is celebrating her latest book success when her world is turned upside down. Real-life spies and shadow organizations all believe she has critical information because of how accurately her books have predicted real world events. Saved by an unlikely spy in Aidan (Rockwell), Elly will need to figure out fact from fiction before it’s too late.
Good Luck Keeping Up
I wasn’t walking into Argylle expecting a film on par or worse than the Fast and the Furious films, but it’s surprisingly a compliment to those films. Sure, they have plenty of problems, but they’re generally easy to follow. You may not remember everything afterwards, but you know that Dominic Toretto and his team are facing a new threat (which in recent releases usually has a past connection) and they figure out how to race, jump, head to outer-space, and blow up submarines to accomplish it. There’s an internal logic they follow that has worked really well, with enough action that’s satisfying for its diehard fans.
That is not the case with Argylle.
The premise from the trailer (regarding Elly’s predictions) are much more complicated than we were led to believe and become increasingly convoluted. This flimsy plot point starts a cascade of poor decisions by writer Jason Fuchs that make later attempts at worldbuilding, character growth / motivation, and escalating action scenes fall flat. There were some great choices with the various twists and character reveals / fakeouts but none of those moments coalesce into anything meaningful or impactful. As the story falls apart around you, it stops being an overly complicated spy movie and morphs into a special effect-laden, spy soap opera that surely made the producers of Fast and the Furious blush.
So Many Odd Choices
Storytime!
I wasn’t at home this week for my scheduled screening so a good friend and fellow reviewer (Dom Fisher over on Geek Vibes Nation) brought me along to his screening this week in Nashville. We met at the Regal Hollywood 27, caught up (because it had been awhile), and settled into our seats.
As the screening started, I immediately thought something was wrong with the sound. Characters, like Dua Lipa’s LaGrange and Henry Cavil’s Argylle started to talk after a long musical intro featuring Barry White’s “You’re the First, the Last, My Everything” and there was no foley sound whatsoever (the sound of footsteps, ambient noises, etc). Until they got outside the initial scene in the club, I thought it was a theater problem, but suddenly realized it was intentional. This mix didn’t work for me at all and started to quickly turn me off. It wouldn’t be the last time that the mix was weird, but at least when it happens again, we get an interesting scene between Elly and Argylle where she’s trying to write and he speaks her unfinished words. There, the sound and graphics are intentionally sparse to reflect that she’s actively thinking or attempting to craft the story, to hilarious effect. However, since the overarching story goes off the rails, we only get this scene once, which is a shame because that dynamic worked really well.
One last gripe: Elly’s character has a hard time distinguishing fact from fiction and blurs together Aidan (Rockwell) and Argylle (Cavill). The opening fight on the train was actually a genius and refreshing action scene that was ruined by blinking.
You heard me right…blinking
Elly blinks rapidly to switch between the characters in her mind and it utterly ruined an otherwise great sequence. Vaughn could have simply showed us the dynamic once so we understand what’s happening and then just focus on hiding the transitions where characters switch out. Instead he milked it so much that I’m not sure if the scene needed an epilepsy warning, but I was actively struggling to make it through. Thankfully, they abandon this dynamic by the middle of the film, but I would have likely been sick if it lasted any longer.
These Aren’t Spies
I wasn’t impressed by a single performance; they all felt phoned in and there was a real lack of cohesion and energy across the board. I blame this mostly on how limp the script was and how it undermined any potential chemistry from Howard and Rockwell. The story needs us to believe these two together however the deceptions at the beginning undermine that feeling. When they finally have to work together, you just don’t buy it.
Likewise, the supporting cast are critically underutilized, either from script decisions that sideline Dua Lipa, John Cena, and Ariana DeBose for large swaths of the runtime. And when they do come back in, it’s very dissatisfying. DeBose in particular gets the worst of this treatment, having a key early scene and only coming back in the nick of time, emulating one of the film’s worse traits. It’s one that Fast and Furious shares: the curse of nameless, bland characters coming back at random moments after you thought they were dead, missing, in a coma, or suffering from amnesia.
There’s literally a moment where Samuel L. Jackson kicks up his feet and watches a Lakers game. And this joke goes on…for awhile…the whole duration of the final fight, which is around 15-20 mins of screentime. I don’t blame Jackson, but if that’s not he definition of phoning it in (maybe “sitting it in” is more accurate) then I’m not sure what is.
Cavill will likely get the most attention for playing the stereotypical spy, but even that is effectively limited by the story dynamic. The visual switching I referred to earlier lets him be his usual charming self and leads to some great comedic bits, but as the film’s key reveal will sideline him, you’re left wondering what the point of having him was in the first place.
Conclusion / Recommendation
There are better films in this genre of damsel turned action hero, like True Lies (1994), Romancing the Stone (1984), or most recently Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum in The Lost City (2022). Each of those movies had more energy and chemistry between their leads than anything that Argylle produces in its bloated runtime. And none of those films made you scratch your head repeatedly in confusion over the plot. I don’t say this lightly, I hope Vaughn takes a break rather than going forward with plans for a sequel. This first entry is a mess and doesn’t warrant another thought unless he seriously reworks the premise.
I can’t say this strongly enough: don’t waste your time. I would turn this film off if it were playing the background and put on one of the Kingsman movies instead. Even my problems with that film series pale in comparison to the host of issues and lack of effort with Argylle.
Score: 3.3 out of 10
- Visual Effects- 3
- I hate to harp on this as the CGI industry is getting lampooned by the public for increasingly bad scenes since they are facing long work hours and not getting the pay they deserve. Instead, I’ll lay this problem at the feet of Matthew Vaughn for creating some truly horrendous visual plan that resulted in unbelievably bad and disconnected moments.
- Writing / Editing- 3
- It’s nonsensical; you will likely need to rewatch it to catch the twists and betrayals that are crammed into the runtime, but that would require watching this dumpster fire twice which I don’t recommend to anyone.
- Enjoyment- 4
- I did enjoy the switching dynamic until I didn’t and Sam Rockwell arguably dances the most he’s ever danced in any movie ever, so there’s that.
Curious about Commander Shipp’s new scoring system? Check out his thoughts next week!
Fun Note
I realize for Fast and the Furious fans, you may be upset that your favorite film series caught a few of strays in this review. I will not apologize for my feelings on this, but if you prefer a critic who has a deep appreciation and love for that series, check out Colin’s series primer here.
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